she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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