So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
