We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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