I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think im going to throw up on grandma
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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