Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We are two peas in an std pod
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
