also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
