I CAN MOONWALK!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
