the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize