I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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