he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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