Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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