I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
