no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
