is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize