I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
