Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
