I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
