First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
