you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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