After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
