So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
