Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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