your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
