I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
