she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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