Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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