shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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