i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
