I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
