Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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