how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
