I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
