Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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