You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
