oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
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