I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
