Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
