Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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