i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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