Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize