It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
