idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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