So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
