i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
