you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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