if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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