What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
