remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dicks are not precious.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
