I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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