we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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