I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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