there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
