Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
