hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
