I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
