His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
