I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
