He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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