u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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