i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize