I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
