she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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