I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
