she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
