You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
