after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
