He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
