She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.