Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?