I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
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THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.