just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
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That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap