Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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