I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
