okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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