dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
