Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
