apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
ugly people sure do ruin things
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
