so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
