i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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