I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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