I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
